30 days

Well, here we are. In 30 days from today, I'll be starting my journey westward, to the great state of Arizona. Seems like it's been a long time coming, but at the same time, I can't believe it's almost here. Moving is almost always on my mind, occupying some sort of thought process, whether it's at the forefront of my attention or hanging out near the rear of my brain's priority list. The thing is, the closer I get to January 7th, the more real this thing gets. The deeper I feel it. The more emotional I feel when I think about how few times a year I'll see my family. I'm on the verge of collecting my diploma, taking boards and being a licensed PTA, but that seems so irrelevant right now. Sometimes when I think about the day I leave, how crazy that will be, I get a little choked up, feel a little more anxious, and have doubts. But I know this is what I want. I know more and more when I see the snow, the rain, feel the cold when I lift up my covers of my bed, see how Jessica talks to her parents, how she gets excited when we are talking about our new life, that this is the right choice right now. But it's far from easy. I don't want to miss out on our family growing up - Julia and James getting older, Madison going into the whirlwind of teenage-hood, and little Henry. I don't want to be away as my parents retire, go on long walks, and sit on the front porch as the sun sets in the summer. I don't want to be so far as my parents get older. That scares me the most. I don't want to be unable to see them if they are ill.
I'm almost there, the day to leave. It seems so odd because I've lived at my parents house for 2 and a half years as I've been in school, and they're about to move out of it just as I am leaving. Everything is changing. I'm trying to be ready for this, but a lot is happening all at once. Sometimes I feel lost. Sometimes I'm excited. Mostly I'm just ready for this to happen.