Jessica is my best friend. She's held that position since sophomore year of Ohio State, and now she is my lovely girlfriend. She's there whenever I need her. She understands me better than anyone else. She knows exactly how I feel on the most complex and frustrating feelings. She's a godsend and I am undeserving of her love. I love her more than I could ever express in writing.

Let me whine for a moment...

Things are nuts. They really are. Really nothing that you plan comes to fruition like you thought it would, and so many things that you hadn’t accounted for spring up and (usually) rear their ugly head. Life is crazy. And hard. Maybe you’ll disagree with me, but even as a white American male, life is hard. It’s true that I don’t have many of the challenges that much of the world faces, even those in THIS country. But life is still difficult. For starters, once you get used to living a certain way, it is a straight up SLAP in the face when you can no longer live like that. That’s ridiculously hard. Harder than I would have thought. Cutting back is my least favorite phrase right now.
Another reason why life is hard is because as a white American male who was raised in a reasonably affluent household, there are expectations. Expectations to choose the right major (oops!), get good grades (nope!) graduate (yes, got that one right) go to grad school (how about trade school?) and graduate with a job in a field that is going to make you money. More money than your dad made, buying a bigger house that your parents did. Being a better man that your dad. I feel those pressures. And I have not, and many times feel like I cannot, reach those expectations. I don’t mean to sound like I am complaining.... but I am. I am complaining. My life is good for the most part. But to me, it’s hard. I don’t like it right now.
But it’s not all bad. My girlfriend is honestly about as good of a girlfriend as you could ask for. I’m pretty broke right now and she’s helped me out tremendously. She’s overwhelmingly supportive and that’s what I need right now. She truly is a God-send. She’s all I could have asked for and more. I love her to pieces. Not to mention, she’s an excellent photographer. She makes even ME look half-way decent, and that is a challenge.
But yeah, life update : suck status right now, for the most part.

Dad

This might sound a little bit conceited, but like anchorman, I'm just going to throw it out there. I'm pretty darn good at my job. Heck, I'm good with kids in general. I work with an autistic child, and most of what I do is trying to get him to interact with me. And I can get him to do that fairly well, because he likes me. And he likes me because I am entertaining. And none of this has to do with me.
Every reason I am fun, every way I know how to play, every shred of patience I have in my body (I'm pretty darn patient) comes from what I've learned from my dad. He's quite the gentle soul. I've only seen my dad pissed at me one time. All other times he's kind, caring, listens, is insightful, and is genuinely interested in how I'm doing. Growing up, he'd come home from working all day at the office and we'd eat dinner as a family. I'm sure he would have rather laid around and watched TV, because that's what I see so many other dad's do when they are done working. But that's not what my dad did. My dad would get on the ground, wrestle three mangy kids at once, toss us around, and wear us out. If you've ever worked with kids before, you know they NEVER wear out, and we were BEAT after we were done wrestling with my dad. All this after a full day of work. But he wasn't done. He'd take the time to quiz us on our schoolwork, help us with projects, give us little facts about history, or help us study for our upcoming tests. Dad would be with us throughout the night, right up to the time he tucked us in at night.
My dad did all this because he loved us. But he also did all of this because he was an awesome husband. My sisters and I were home schooled for much of our lives. My mom would not only be a stay at home mom, but also a school teacher for us and other kids who she volunteered to teach as well. By the time that my dad got home from work, she was pretty sick and tired of us kids being little menaces all day. So, because my dad loved my mom so much, he'd take over watching the kids all night. And believe me, after a day full of mom, a playful day was just what the doctor ordered.
My dad has taught me what a man should be. A loving husband, a GREAT dad, and an extremely hard worker. I'll always look up to him as the best man I know.
Thanks dad.

Home

I posted this on tumblr, but it weighs heavily on my heart, so here it is again.

July of 2005 was one of the most exciting times of my life; I had just finished high school, and I was ready to move on to something that I had been looking forward to for as long as I could remember: college. Because my parents had put me in and taken me out of so many different middle schools and high schools (3 different middle schools, 3 different high schools), it was difficult for me to really “fit in” anywhere, make solid friends, or really feel like a part of something. I was grateful for my youth group, but even that was pulled away from me both by my parents - they didn’t like the governing church, and by my youth pastor, who suddenly left to go back to school. I was finally starting something new, something I would be a part of for 4 years (or more!), something that I could belong to. I found that in Ohio State.

I was originally planning on going to Eastern Michigan, for both financial reasons, and because I was immediately accepted into the program I was hoping to major in. Things changed when my parents found out who I would be rooming with. As soon as they found out that my future roommate was a homosexual, they pulled me out of enrollment. The timing couldn’t have been worse - it was August, and I schools on semesters were starting next week. I really only had one option - attend the Newark campus of Ohio State. When I learned that OSUN was my only option, I was extremely upset. I wanted to be a part of something, something big, and a branch of a school did not exactly fit the bill. My only consolation was that I was able to get an apartment with one of my closest friends from church - something that I would not have been able to do if I were a freshman on campus at just about any school. Soon after I started classes, I met another guy who has become my closest friend. Things were starting to look better, but I was still missing the one thing that I had been longing for as long as I could remember - belonging to something. Freshman year came and went, and I as soon as I could, I transferred to the main campus at Ohio State. Finally! I was a part of something! That turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Sophomore year was the year I really became extremely involved emotionally with another friend. I knew my friend (now my lady) Jessica from high school, but due to extenuating circumstances, we weren’t that close. Because we lived in the same dorm and we knew each other a little before we moved in, we started spending most, if not all, our time together. Everything that one of us was invited to do, the other came along, and we became steadfast friends. Sophomore year of college was one year that I will never forget. I had so much fun that year with my new “college” friends and got to know my girlfriend so well that I will always look back on that year as something very special.

Junior and senior years followed suite. I had a pretty typical college career, going to football and basketball games, going to parties, throwing parties, and generally goofing off and having a good time, pretty much all the time. I felt like I was a part of something - especially at the Ohio State sports games. When you’re at a football game and there are 90,000 other people screaming, hoping, willing for the same thing as you, you feel as if you’re a family, as if you are all in the same boat, and no matter what happens, you’re all together. That’s one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt.

After I graduated, I was excited to get away from the “college scene”. I had been to one too many parties, stayed up late one too many times, blew off one too many quizzes. I thought I was moving on. I moved home to continue schooling for my career and I’ve found that nothing can replace that feeling I had. I visited my friends, who were practicing 5 year seniors, and the first time I stepped back on to campus, I just felt weird. It was a feeling that is hard to describe, like seeing someone you loved move on from you. I was no longer a student at Ohio State; It had moved on to the next batch of students, the new kids who would call OSU home and new people who would soak up the pride of being able to say “This is MY school”.

I still struggle with this when I go to school and see the kids at the Marion Campus of Ohio State and I think to myself, “I wish I could be where you are”. My time has passed, but it’s hard to leave all that behind. It’s like leaving a family, and I still struggle to grasp it, but I’m thankful for the time I did have and the friends I made along the way.

At this exact moment...

I’m here. I’m with my friends. Two of my closest friends, to be exact. It’s gray, gray and rainy here in Ohio. One of my friends is listening to Blink-182 using my headphones. He just texted me, while he sits 3 feet away. I’m drinking an extremely sugary beverage from Starbucks.
I lead a boring life.

Back where I feel most comfortable

I'm sitting here, on a Monday morning (now afternoon), thinking about how this is where I feel most comfortable. I'm in front of my computer and have been for the past couple of hours, listening to music, half looking at homework, checking out a bunch of different blogs, and thinking about everything and anything that crosses my mind. I've just finished my winter clinical rotation for physical therapy, and I've never felt better. Because of the time constraints I was under while completing my clinical, I was rarely online, and I missed it sorely. I suppose that is a good indication that I'm addicted to the internet, and if that's the case, then so be it. I honestly love nothing more than perusing the internet and listening to my favorite music. Today is even better because I've discovered my new favorite song. (Listen to it! It's amazing!) Secondly, it's my birthday, and to be honest, I just feel better on my birthday. I love being on social media and seeing people interact with me on these sites is something I really enjoy, maybe too much, and today people are wishing me a happy birthday and making me feel even happier than I have been. It sounds self-centered and juvenile, I know, but that's just me. In any case, this is a perfect day for me. I love all of this. I'm alone, but I don't care. I'm happy where I'm at. I'm here and I'm comfortable.

I'm baaaaack!

It's time for something new! I'm going to write on this thing more than I ever have before, and you guys are going to wish I was going to go back to how it was... but sorry, that's how it's going to be! Well, here goes: I'm an addict. I'm obsessed with social media. I find myself checking Facebook and Twitter as often as I can, and whenever I see that there's something, anything, new, I'm all over it. It's kind of sickening, to tell you the truth. I have so many other things I could be doing that are more productive, but THIS is how I spend my time. I'm emotionally invested in being on top of what everyone is doing and I NEED to be be in the know. I feel so out of the loop if I haven't seen the latest status updates or tweets from the past few hours. In all honesty, it's pretty pathetic. I suppose it stems from a bit of insecurity, but that's a whole other story. I guess what you should take away from this is, if I'm your friend on Facebook, or follow you on Twitter, I'm your best friend because I read what you put online as soon as it goes up, or quite soon after. So keep putting up your personal life! I'm here to read it!