Yesterday I spent the majority of my time at work thinking about things that are entirely not related to my job. I thought about how much I feel like I’ve wasted of my ability. I like to think of myself as pretty smart. I also know one thing about myself: I’m about as much of an underachiever as there is. I skated by on the bare minimum in college. Now instead of doing something that really could be special, I’m getting an associates degree at a trade school. Maybe in the grand scheme of things that’s not that disappointing, but to me, it is. It’s embarrassing. It’s pathetic. I know how much I could do and I see how much of that I’ve really done and that makes me want to puke.
So that’s the pretense to this blog post. Today is May 8th, 2011, which happens to also be Mother’s day. I told my dad today that my plan was to move to Arizona by December of this year. This was probably a bad idea, to reveal to your mother that you’ll be moving to the other side of the country on mother’s day. I love my girlfriend so much, and her parents are now living there. I know how much my mom misses her family and I don’t want Jessica to regret living her life so far from her family. I also know how much I’ve messed up so far. I don’t want to make this biggest mistake in my life thus far (On a side note, I’ve wanted to move to Phoenix ever since about 2005 when my friend TJ moved out there with his family, so this isn’t totally out of left field for my family). The only problem is that I’ll miss family more than anything. I love them more than I could explain. I know I’ll be moving. I know I’ll miss them. I just don’t want to add to my mistakes. I want to break out of this slump and become something great. Maybe being a great boyfriend and future husband is something great. I just want to all that I can. I just want to do the right thing for once.
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